I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
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