If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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