From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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