You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Randomize
