conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
My pussy is not your playground.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize