Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
