Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
