3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
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