if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
