Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
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