Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize