I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
