I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
