i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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