Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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