Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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