remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I need water and some morals
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
