I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
