Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
