I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.Â
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
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