I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
