You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
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