i don't plan on having that self control this summer
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize