I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
