Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
