Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
no you cant smoke seaweed
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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