Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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