my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
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