no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
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