remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Randomize