Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Randomize
