New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
she told me i tasted like america
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Randomize
