For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
