Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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