Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
ttyl tear gas
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
