Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Randomize
