Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Randomize
