Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
