My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize