He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Houston, we have a blender
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
