the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Randomize
