I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
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