Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
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