so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
