Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
