if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
