I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
