So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
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