Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
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