The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
it wasn't lemon gatorade
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
