Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
