You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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