i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Can't talk, ducks in the car
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
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