i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Randomize
