i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I forgot how hot balto sounded
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
He? As in you personified your dick?
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Randomize
