Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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