after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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