she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
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