Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
