when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
