My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
