I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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