Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
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