His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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