I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
