My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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