I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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