What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
It's just like the Real World with babies
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize
