My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
