watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
