i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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