i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Randomize