I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
