I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
he fucked my hip out of place.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
