I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize