Little spoons don't ask big questions
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Randomize
