I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Randomize
