Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
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