If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Randomize
