I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize