At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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