The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
either way he was missing a nipple.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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