I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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