I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
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