I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Randomize
