what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
