he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
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