Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
