I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
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