Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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