Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
NoShamevember. You game?
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
