It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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