Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
How does it feel to date your dad?
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Couch. On fire.
Randomize
