Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Randomize
