I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
