I'm so fucking centered right now
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
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