fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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