your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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