Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Randomize
